AS IF HUMAN

WONDERFUL ANIMATION FOR AMERICAN CHILDREN

As we all know, our daily lives in the USA are constantly under the cloud
of terrorism. It’s really stressful and inconvenient. But have you truly
considered how scary it must be for the wee ones?


Archibald Campbell has and he's doing something about it. SurfingtheSpectacle’s favorite author of children’s books is back again, this time with a brand new animation from his celebrated story, Why Do The Terrorists Want to Hurt Me?
It may be the most powerful children's animation in human history.


Go out now and gather up your children, your neighbor’s children and any children you find on the street to watch this magical tale on your computer screen. For this entertaining and educational work may one day save their little lives. Campbell vividly displays the terrible evil facing our innocent kids (warning: the images can be disturbing), but he also offers a step by step guide detailing how they might avoid the dread menace and protect their everlasting souls.


Campbell is a true red, white, and blue Christian American patriot and proud of it. He's sick of seeing our enemies use the liberal media to “pollute and violate" our American children. And those enemies are everywhere. He is already working on his next project, the tale of a good honest boy whose way of life is threatened when strange aliens infiltrate his town. Through the power of Christ and some good old American ingenuity, little Johnny fixes things in Border Out of Order.


The inspiring work doesn't stop there. Campbell also offers a heartfelt tribute to traditional values and decency in another upcoming book entitled Boys Wear Pants, Girls Wear Dresses. At a time when most artists are dirty, decadent sinners full of bile and satire, it's comforting to see the work of a righteous artist who still cares deeply for God, country and the eternal battle with Satan.


[Click here to get to Archibald Campbell's wonderful new website!]

THE COMPASSIONATE SOUL

Americans are often criticized for being oblivious to the sufferings of others. Here at SurfingtheSpectacle, we say, "No. No, you're very wrong."

We care. We care very much.


But what can we do about the pain and injustice in the world?

It's all so confusing and irrational.


It’s not our fault. And besides, could we really make an impact?

For instance, millions of children die each year from malnutrition. But could we ever help any one of them? Not really.


They would just live to die of something else. We wouldn't really be solving the problem.

But there are problems that we can fix!

Look how sad and forlorn this woman looks. Can she ever be helped?


She sure can! And how!!


You see, it's all thanks to this man. Jason Grunstra. He had a sacred calling.


Following the path of Mother Teresa, Saint Grunstra started a charitable organization called myfreeimplants.com that rescues women in deep distress.

The group is dedicated to the idea of giving every needy woman bigger breasts.

Using the glorious power of the Web, they transform the lives of suffering souls (see left) to paragons of fulfillment (see right).


It's powerful! And any man can help! He just goes to the website and donates money for this crucial procedure.

The man is given the title "Benefactor." And the women send him pictures and chat with him and everything!

But their pain is all too real. And their tearful testimonies can break the most hardened heart.

"I really want a boob job because I want to look good in a bikini and I just have always wanted and dreamed of finally having big boobies."


For the love of God, who will help this poor thing?!!

O, the world sorely needs our compassionate souls.

[You must see Fox's Geraldo Rivera tackle this story (click here and select "Hooter Heaven"). The appearance and expert commentary of Dr. Victoria Zdork is not to be missed. The images on top are from unknown sources, save for the photograph of fleeing Palestinians taken by James Lukoski.]

THE DAILY DRIVE

The daily drive to work involves countless checkpoints and ID checks. One day, something new. The uniformed man stares hard at her, insisting he recognizes her as a doctor from a hospital. She panics. And must hide the panic. In a city where doctors are targeted and killed, this mistaken impression can be the end of her days.

The guard’s face is serious, angry. He speaks intensely to a superior while she waits, her life now in the hands of strangers. Abruptly she is dismissed. She drives off, afraid to look back. She knows she can never take this route again. She continues on to work. Still shaking.


Such are the incidents and impressions we find on a remarkable blog called Inside Iraq. For most Westerners, war in Iraq brings tales of bombers and mayhem, soldiers and strife, upheaval and fanaticism. The human face is rarely revealed.

Americans know little about Iraqis that hasn’t been conjured from old films, political propaganda and televised news scraps. The Iraqi people exist merely as abstractions, words, numbers, so the idea of ten or forty or one hundred thousand Iraqi civilians dying from the conflict there means, for all too many, nothing.


But of course, no person is an abstraction. Each holds her own share of desire, despair, pleasure. Each has his own story. Through Inside Iraq, the reader is given a brief glimpse of Iraqi life, as the blog offers the personal thoughts and tales of Iraqi journalists working for the American newspaper chain McClatchy Newspapers.

Their dispatches convey the daily tedium and sporadic violence of life in a broken nation. The tone is informal, direct. The voice feels familiar – it is impossible to read their struggles and not imagine your own life in their shoes.


Many of their problems are mundane. Monotonous. Fixing a third-rate generator in scorching summer heat. Waiting in endless lines for gas. Securing clean water for one’s family. The tiresome pace of life in a new Iraq amid empty promises and widespread confusion.

Homes are missed. Daughters are missed. Bookstores and restaurants are missed. The old life, now forever gone, is missed.


One writes of seeing a fearful old man in the market and recognizing him as an old schoolteacher. “He looked so afraid.” Another tells of children, once playing together and now apart, the growing recognition that some are Shiite, some Sunni. “A wave of deep sorrow engulfed me.” A third recounts a ride with a taxi driver who talks of the crippling of his daughter, the murder of his brothers, a harrowing escape from a gun pointed at his temple. “I was unable to say anything.”


The unbelievable becomes normalized. Riders on a bus discuss mortars, IEDs and car bombs the way they might speak of the weather. A mother decides on nylon sheets instead of glass for her windows - less danger for her children in an explosion. Survival tips are passed along like recipes. Keep the car in working order. Keep eyes averted in the presence of occupiers. Become pliant or, better yet, invisible.

Make absolutely no errors.


These Iraqis may endure their chronic proximity to violence and occupation, but for some it comes at a price – inner distance, retreat.

“How can one continue to be human, filled with human feelings and not withdraw into that inner place were no hurt can follow?? Driving faster than usual, feeling quite unreal, I feel like testing my humanity against some blast wall – just to see if I'm still human.”


In such a world, wit, irony and humor still persist. One remarks that it’s a shame all the cardiologists have been driven from Baghdad, with everyone on edge, they would make a bundle. Another observes that living amid the harrowing chase scenes and gunfire of everyday life is like being a character is some great epic film. The writer would prefer a role in a romantic comedy instead.

There is sanity in this. Life of constant weeping is not life.

“Less than five minutes after the explosion, everything was normal and we started talking and laughing again and why not, its just an IED in Baghdad, So what? Its not the first and we are all sure its not the last. Its just one more day in Baghdad.”


[The Inside Iraq blog can be found here and particular entries referenced are as follows: "Go"1, "Not Enough"2, "One More Day"3, "Watch Out!"4, "To Be a Part"5, "Look of Fear"6, "One Question"7, "Play"8. "To Be Part of a Movie"9, "Hot Day"10, "Be Calm, Don't Lose It"11. All the images are from the early paintings of the great Gerhard Richter.]

GO FUCK YOURSELF MR. CHENEY

There are few bright episodes in the national endurance of an American vice president who has advocated torture, diminished civil rights, silenced opposing views, and conspired with corporate heads against the interests of the American people.

But there have been moments of modest relief.

In September of 2005, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina’s devastation of the Gulf Coast, and the administration’s belated and inept response to the disaster, a brilliant moment in TV history occurred.

Vice President Dick Cheney was on a brief visit to Mississippi, hoping to create the impression that he and the administration actually care for the plight of suffering Americans. As Cheney is interviewed by reporters, we hear the voice of a passerby with a message for the vice president – a message that, much like a Greek Chorus, seemed to reflect the deep tensions and ire of the democratic citizenry.


Since our leaders are utterly shielded, sometimes by the media itself, from the slightest voice of dissent – regardless of how corrupt and heinous their abuse of power may be – authentic expressions like this provide deep resonance.

The voice belonged to Ben Marble, a Mississippi local, a rocker, and a physician at a nearby hospital. His subsequent ballad of the event (listen to it here) is equally rewarding.

Of course, the good doctor’s words were inspired by Cheney’s own statements. The year before, Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont dared to criticize Halliburton, Cheney’s old company, for war profiteering. This irritated the 47th Vice President. When he next saw Senator Leahy on the Senate floor, he gave him this message:

“Fuck Yourself.”


As it happens, on that very day, the Senate had passed legislation described as the "Defense of Decency Act." The Act sought to “protect children and families” by increasing fines for the broadcasting of offensive and indecent incidents.

Such are the laws that powerful American leaders spend time on in Washington.

Our most morally upright citizens know that the biggest problems in the world are bad words and boobies.


That’s where Kevin Martin comes in. He is chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, or FCC.

You might imagine that running the FCC would entail serving the people of the land by insuring democratic access to the airwaves, and preventing a handful of wealthy corporations from controlling all mass communication.

You would be wrong.

Mr. Martin spends a good chunk of his time as national decency policeman, on the prowl for bad words and boobies that tumble onto broadcasts.


Oh, he’s qualified for the job. He first proved his integrity and moral splendor in 2000 as a lawyer on the Bush-Cheney recount team in Florida. Since taking the top spot at the FCC in 2005, he intensified the FCC’s crackdown on decency with much higher fines for every accidental “shit” and “fuck” that might emerge in a public broadcast.

Last month, however, a federal appeals panel may have finally curbed Martin and the FCC's great crusade. The court struck down the government policy that fines stations and networks huge sums for the broadcasting of words that Martin deems offensive.

The court reasoned, in part, that if these words were good enough for Cheney and Bush to utter, then they're good enough for the rest of us.


Amen.

But it's important to remember that there are indecent things.

Take, for instance, the American Vice President, who has used elaborate deceptions to construct and conduct a bloody and senseless war that has led to more than 100,000 dead Iraqi civilians, more than 3,600 dead American soldiers, the acceleration and strengthening of Islamic terrorism, and the loss of some half a trillion dollars. He then, as late as last February, characterizes this very same war as a “remarkable achievement.”

Yes.

There are indecent things.


[To sample two offensive songs, click here to hear Eric Idle's "FCC Song", and here to listen to RX's immortal "Dick is a Killer." You can see the entire video of Ben Marble's encounter with Cheney here. The illustration of Cheney comes from Amanda Kavanagh, a marvelous artist whose work can be found here and here.]

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